Why Empathy Must Be Designed

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the systemized business where we talk about simple business systems that allow you to confidently delegate and predictably serve your clients or customers with intention. I'm BK and I've seen way too many brilliant business owners held back by messy operations. What I do is design the systems, the workflows, the client experiences that allow them to actually grow without burning out. And today we're talking about empathy as a business system. And not in a vague, fluffy kind of just be nicer to your clients kind of way. I want to talk about how to practically build it into your operations, your projects, and your services. And the question we are going to get into today is this Do our businesses feel thoughtful because we have designed them that way, or only because we personally remember to be thoughtful? Because those are two very different things. If your clients only feel cared for when you have the time, energy, or emotional capacity to manually create those experiences, that means empathy is not built into your business yet. And this is what we're going to get into today. This is kind of a part two to a series that I'm doing. So if you have not listened to the previous episode, episode 73, that goes through the importance of being intentional in designing our services. And a large part of that is the process of putting yourself in your client's or customer's shoes. What it feels like to go through your service, starting from that very first inquiry call through payment, through the onboarding, right until the offboarding stage. So that episode kind of sets that foundation of what we're going to be talking about today, which is going deeper into that idea of empathy and building it intentionally into our business service. Because I think a lot of businesses operate from focusing on what they offer and how they offer. And they don't really go into or they don't really go deeper and look at who they're offering to and how they can make that experience a great one. I think it is also so vitally important for our back-end systems to support our client-facing front-end systems to make sure that why uh what while we think we're giving the best service that we possibly can, that that is translated into our client experiences. So what we think we're doing is actually what we're doing. We want our businesses to feel personal, to feel thoughtful, to feel human, right? To to feel like we are dealing on a human-to-human level, not just a transactional kind of relationship. And where we find ourselves relying too much on ourselves to create that personal, thoughtful, human feeling manually. Now that is where the problem is. And of course, it can work for a while. Right at the beginning, you know, in the early stages of business, it can feel like a strength. You know, when your business is kind of quiet, kind of new, when you have a lot of, you know, good headspace, when you have time to send thoughtful messages to, you know, personally to your clients, when you have time to explain things properly, to check in at the right times, you know, to smooth over those awkward bits yourself. This is very easy to do in the earlier stages of business, but once things get busy or more complex, or you just start getting tired and that presence of mind starts to become inconsistent, that's when the problems and the cracks really show. Some clients will get the warm, thoughtful version of your business, and others will get the rushed, thinner, patchier version. And we don't want that kind of inconsistency. And the issue isn't that as you keep going, you don't care, like you care less and less. The issue is that that care has not been built into the business, so it can't grow with the business. And just like you and your capacity is limited, so is that care that you are able to give manually, that is also limited. So, what exactly does empathy in business really mean? And is it the same thing as emotional labor? Why does it show up inconsistently in founder led businesses? And how can you build it into the way your business works? Because yes, a business can feel personal without relying on constant improvisation. I think the first thing to think about really is that when people talk about empathy, I think a lot of us picture that personality trait, you know, somebody who is warm, who is kind, patient, naturally good with people. And yeah, that that matters, but but it's a whole lot more than that, right? In business, it's bigger than personality. And I think this is where the conversation gets useful because it it's understanding what someone might be feeling, what they need, what they might be wondering or worrying about as they move through your service or as they interact with your business as a whole, and then responding to that through the way your business works. And this is empathy as well. Putting yourself in their shoes as a client or as a potential client, as an existing client. It's not necessarily or it's not only how warm you sound, it's how well you've thought through that client experience. It's the anticipation, it's that consideration in action. Asking, what might this person be unsure about right now? What might feel vulnerable here? What would what might make this part of the process easier to understand? What do they probably need to know before they even know to ask? And then taking those and designing that experience with those in mind. And sometimes empathy sounds like warmth and that care, but it is often really more like clarity. It feels like clarity, it feels like steadiness, it feels like being guided, it feels like not being left to figure out everything by yourself. And I really want to emphasize that because I think we often miss or underestimate how comforting clarity actually is. How long things would take, how long should you wait, when should you come back? You can immediately feel that difference, right? And you can appreciate that even though you know you don't have all the answers, the fact that you have clarity on what comes next, what to expect, makes the service better. It just makes it better. So, and that's the thing. A lot of business owners, you know, will hear a word like empathy and immediately think to ourselves, oh my gosh, do you mean more access? Do you mean I have to be available more? Do you mean I have to, you know, conjure up emotional energy? Do you mean I need to give more hand holding, you know, hand holding to my clients, more reassurance, more explaining? But that's that's not exactly what it might take. Not at all. I mean, this is not emotional labor. And emotional labor is what gets you tired, that's what makes people burn out. Because emotional labor is often that uh invisible work of managing other people's feelings while you put your own to the side, it's absorbing other people's feelings, it's you know reassuring, it's carrying, it's holding, and that's where many founders are already doing too much, they're carrying too much of the business already. And of course, not only are they carrying it operationally, they're also carrying it emotionally as well. They are carrying the delivery, the communication, planning, sales, admin, decision making. And on top of that, you're trying to manually hold it emotional, every emotional detail of the client experience as well. And you can quickly see that that is not sustainable at all. So, empathy does not require self-abandonment, and a caring business is not the same thing as an always available founder, you can still create and maintain your boundaries while you create an empathetic business. Thoughtful service is not the same as endless emotional labor. So you don't have to absorb every feeling, make yourself endlessly accessible, overextend yourself just to create a business that feels human. That is not what we're talking about here. In fact, what I would argue is that if empathy in your business depends on you personally carrying everything, every emotional detail, then that whole model needs an overhaul. Because your business won't survive, and more importantly, you probably won't survive. That is not something that we are meant to carry on our heads. What happens when you're sick, when you're tired, when you are unreachable? What happens when your calendar is full? What happens happens when you have multiple clients at once? When your emotional bandwidth is lower than usual. It's not that we stop caring, it's just that care gets harder to deliver consistently, and that's where we often get stuck. A founder can genuinely care, which is why they are doing what they are doing. That is never really the issue, and that's what makes it tricky because the care is real, it just hasn't been built into the process yet. And if you want your clients to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, you want your business to feel warm and thoughtful and easy, you want that to build trust quickly, you want people to have that human experience with your business, no matter what your service is, then you need to get it out of your head and into your processes. So, what does it look like then to operationalize empathy? Well, it means us asking similar questions to what we asked ourselves before. What might the client be feeling? What are they worried about? What usually makes this part of the process confusing, stressful, or awkward? And what can I put into the experience that makes it clearer, easier, or calmer before we even before they even need to ask? This is what makes it less accidental and more intentional, and it starts becoming reliable because we have thought about it beforehand. And in thinking about it, we have responded to what those answers are. Let me give you an example. So, one of the easiest places to start, I think, to build empathy in your business is the onboarding process, right? Think about that moment right after somebody says yes to working with you. That moment comes with mixed emotions. They may be excited, they might be relieved, they might be hopeful, but they also might be nervous, maybe unsure, probably second guessing the decision. It might be a bit big investment. Is this the right decision to make? So they might think be thinking, what oh, what happens after this? Did I miss something? Am I waiting on them? Are they waiting on me? Where do I find what I need? How does communication work? So there's a lot of unnecessary uncertainty which lives in this stage. So empathy in onboarding might look like a simple but clear welcome email, a message that explains what happens next, where to find key information, what the timeline might look like, how communication will work, what the first step is. So you're not just organizing the process for them, you're also anticipating their needs and addressing them before it becomes friction. So it it looks like it can look like a small thing, but these are the kinds of details that shape whether somebody feels confident or left or is left guessing. It reduces the uncertainty that often shows up right after someone commits, right? I know you felt it too. You felt like, oh, I just made this big investment. Did I make the right decision? And so what happens immediately after that either gives you, either kind of calms you and gives you the assurance that you need, or it starts setting off alarm bells, right? So a simple, clear email communication can be a very empathetic tool. A direct subject line, a simple explanation, clear steps, plain language. Clients don't want to decode what you mean. They shouldn't have to sift through your jargon, just speak, you know, plainly explain to them what happens next, using language that they would understand, not language that you and your back end and your team understand and use, right? So we don't want to have our clients rereading our emails three times just to work out what happens next, what you want them to do, what you want them to send you, what they need from you. So we want to mentally unburden them by our communication with clear and direct, because this is a form of care. You are have anticipated the nervousness that comes that might come with this stage in working, so you have addressed it in a simple but very profound way. Another way we can build empathy in our services is to just set expectations. Honestly, a lot of frustrating client experiences aren't really about bad intentions, they're expectation failures. The client expected one thing, the provider assumed another thing. No one was trying to mislead anyone, but the ground was never made solid enough at the start. So empathy can look like being clear up front. What does this service include? What does it not include? How long do things take? How communication will work from now on, what the client can expect from you, and what you can expect from the client, where we are in the timeline, what happens if timelines shift? What are your boundaries? What are their boundaries? So that kind of clarity helps people feel safer, they know within what realms they can navigate in this working relationship. And I think many of us only realize how important this is after something has already gone wrong. And not because everything needs to be perfect, but we don't want our client to be constantly trying to interpret the process as they go along. And this is where check-ins can come in. And this doesn't mean like constant contact or hovering, and definitely not sending unnecessary messages just to prove that you're there, just to prove that you care. It just means intentional check-ins and key moments. The right message is at the right time. Maybe this is just a quick message after the onboarding has concluded, just to make sure the client has everything that they need, if they have any questions, reassuring them that they can ask their questions, they can share their thoughts, they can let you know if anything is missing or feels unclear. Maybe it's halfway through a project when people start feeling a little bit uncertain. Maybe it's before transition point, or something has changed, and we simply need to orient them or reorient them clearly. So well-timed check-ins just communicate that you have not forgotten about them, you still they are still with you, and here is what's next, this is what is going on, and this is what they can expect. So it's this kind of steadiness and anchoring that really goes a long way in communicating care to your clients. The thing about transition points, these matter a lot because this is where we accidentally create confusion, frustration, or even doubt. So a sale happens and there's no there's silence, the project ends, there's silence, something changes, and there's a vague message, or a new phase begins, and nobody really explains what that means. So transitions are where people often feel dropped in the process, and this is one of the easiest places to unintentionally make a business feel colder than it actually is, and so this is where we can be very intentional in our communication. Here's where we are, here is what's happening next, here's what you can expect, this is what I need from you, this is what is happening, don't worry about this, this, and that. So these are the kinds of communications that keep your clients feeling like okay, you have a pulse on what is happening, and they can stop worrying and relax. Another key phase that we can show empathy is in the offboarding process. The end of a service is still part of the service, and I think many businesses underestimate this. The closing experience shapes. That final, final memory. That wrap-up email, that summary of what has been done, reminder of next steps, a note on what to do now, or a thoughtful thank you, or a clear path for continued support, if that is relevant. All of that really helps the client leave with a sense of closure instead of feeling like the relationship just faded out. And again, that is empathy. Operational empathy is designing the process so people feel guided, not just left to fend for themselves, even when we have come to the end of the service. And this is something that I've had to learn as well, because I have found that it can really be awkward ending a relationship. You don't really know what to say, when to say it, you know, the client doesn't say anything, so you don't say anything, and you kind of just leave things hanging, or something comes up for either one of you, and you just move on. But yeah, no, now that I know better, I do better and I try I'm more intentional in the end of the relationship because it's just as important as the beginning. Never mind that this is where you could, you know, ask for a review, ask for a referral. So the closure process can give you not only feedback, it can give you a clear sense of how you can move forward with this client, either work on something else or keep the relationship warm and hopefully work together again in the future. And this is why I really push back on the idea that systems make business mechanical and road and boring. Because I think that's one of the biggest misconceptions about that. And a lot and a lot of founders have are are are afraid of standardizing things because they think you know, if you document everything, if you create templates, if you automate part of the experience, then the business will somehow become this mechanical entity with no personality to it. And all of that is for big corporate organizations, and as small businesses, we don't need to worry about that. We want to like have you know have that personal connection with our customers, which is good, and yes, uh, you know, to a certain extent, like we said before, that can that can totally work, but once you start growing and once you start looking to think strategically and to be a leader in your business, then that has to be systemized because you can't have your hands in everything, you can't have your hands in the operations and at the helm, and it both work. It just is physically impossible for you. So a good system is not or good systems are not the opposite of warmth and empathy and personality in your business. Good systems protect that from getting lost when things get busy and when your business grows. Because a template can still be thoughtful, an onboarding sequence can still feel caring, an automated reminder can still reduce uncertainty, and a checklist can still create and maintain a better client experience. The goal isn't to replace care with processes, but it is to support care with processes, and really that's the whole point of this episode. Because when the basics are handled well, when the client knows what's happening, when transitions are clear, when communication is strong, when expectations are better set, then you can create room for more genuine presence where it matters most. And where you find this works best, that's what you embed into your system. So you are now no longer using all your energy to manually patch the same friction points again and again. You're not trying to remember every time, every detail to make sure that your client's experience is decent. The process itself is doing that heavy lifting. And that for me is much more sustainable than you trying to do all of it yourself. If you want your business to feel personal, thoughtful, to feel human, the answer isn't necessarily to rely heavily on yourself, it actually means relying less on yourself. Less dependence on manual effort is the only way that care actually gets delivered. So here's the reflection that I want to give you this week. Where in your business does empathy currently demand too much on you? And that question alone will probably show you a lot. And what do you find yourself having to repeatedly remember to explain? Where are you manually smoothing over the same confusion over and over again? At what point do clients tend to feel uncertain, awkward, unsupported? And what part of the process only feels thoughtful when you personally have the bandwidth to make it so? Then ask yourself this: what would it look like to build more care into that part of the process? Do I need to rewrite my onboarding email? Do I need to maybe have a frequently asked question FAQ section or a clearer FAQ section? Does it mean a more intentional check-in cadence or a stronger expectation setting document? Or maybe a clearer transition. Could it be a template, a clear template that saves the client confusion in the offboarding process? What I really want us to get to doing is to get those things out of our heads and build systems around them. Because, like we said, empathy is not just a personality trait, it's something that I think is such a freeing idea, especially for business owners who care deeply about what they are doing, but they are just tired. They can't call all their clients personally. So we can build empathy into our systems, into our workflows, into the touch points of our business, and we can build it into the way our business feels from the beginning right to the end. And when you do that well, your business becomes steadier, it becomes clearer, more trustworthy, more supportive, and more importantly, it then frees you up to be the leader that you were meant to be, not the carrier of this business. So if this episode gave you a new way of thinking about empathy in your business, I hope you'll start looking at your client experiences a little bit differently. Not just asking, am I a caring person? I'm sure you are, but asking, does my business actually deliver the care that I wanted to consistently? Because yes, these are related, but they are not the same. And one does not translate to the other, not all the time. Okay, I hope you found this conversation helpful. If you did, I'm sure you know someone who will also find it helpful. So go ahead and share it with them. And if you are thinking that you want to make your client experience more thoughtful, more consistent, less dependent on you remembering every detail manually, and you just don't know where to start. Well, I am happy to help. You can book a free clarity call with me, and we can get you some clarity on where to start and what to do next. The link is in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening, and I'll talk to you again in the next episode. Bye for now.